Are you older than your parents? Do you ever wish to be? Now you may wonder, "what weird questions!" Absolute rubbish, right? Let's get better then. How about, what is the generation-gap between you and them? Many would say that it feels like centuries. Few would say that it feels as if they took birth with them. Well, the answers will vary.
Let's hop on to another set of questions. Why is the parent-child relationship filled with resentment? The resentment is because of the difference in age or in the era in which one was born. Hold on, is generation-gap or the time a factor of hindrance? Are the accustomed habits and customs of an individual, are the main root of any impediment coming between the parent and child? Think about it!
If these questions have raised questions to the self, then let's find the answers to all your queries in whatever follows.
The generation-gap is a real-time problem. People face many difficulties. However, the age gap is not the villain out here. Then, who is? We are going to find solutions to that too.
Before finding answers, let us dig into some fun facts.
- The period from the 19th century to the 20th century has seen the highest number of transitions.
- The Baby Boomer Generation (1945-64) is the most successful.
- Generation X (1965-1981) is the ambitious workaholic generation.
- The Millennials or Generation Y (1982-1994) is the ambitious generation.
- Gen-Z (1995-2012) is the "masters of technologies" generation.
That one dilemma we as children face with our parents is that they do not understand us. Now this lack of understanding leads to various problems. These predicaments turn out to be vicious too.
So, what are the probable situations? Let's find out:
When a child is uncomfortable with a relative and tries to inform his/her parents, they expect assurance of safety and comfort from their guardians. But when the parent tends to pays no heed to such circumstances, that makes the child lose faith in his/her parents.
The child can sense danger but will be reluctant from making any attempts to fight the situation because there is no one to support him/her. Likewise, the said relative also gets enough opportunities to cause continuous disturbance to the child.
But why cannot the parents see this? Maybe because:
- They think that it is not real. Maybe the child must have mistaken something for something else. After all, he/she is nothing but merely a child.
- The parents do not trust the child. They may think that what if their child is lying.
- They think that any allegation against the relative can ruin the relationship fostering among them since God knows when.
- Any allegation can bring a bad name to the family. "What will people say?"
- The said relative can also eventually be a threat for the family and especially to the child.
- The children likewise are frightful of pursuing their goals. They do not know how their parents will react to their decisions in the long run. While on the other hand, the parents do not wish their children to be taking any risk. They forbid their children from thinking out of the box. They want their children to take up a stereotypical career to earn ample and live well. In this process, the parents tend to suffocate the artistic tendencies within their child, which leads to the eventual death of the creative being inside them. As a result, the child faces several mental traumas throughout their lives, which is again a myth to the brown parents.
- An Indian parent has an innate sense of monopoly over their child. They decide the likes and dislikes of their children. An Indian parent determines what is suitable for their children. They can never see their offspring as individuals but their child. They expect us (children) to let them decide everything for us because they think they know us better than we do. They cannot sense that their children crave privacy as well as freedom. Their motto is "live as democrats, rule like a dictator". They utilize their freedom of speech and expression. However, when their products try doing the same, then it is a breach of respect.
- The children cannot learn anything about human sexual orientation from their parents. These kinds of talks are out of the sound parenting list. Children hitting puberty can never live at peace because of the bizarre changes that their body is going through. Yet, they cannot talk about any stuff that is taking place under their clothes, secondly because they are not sure if the changes are severe abnormality or they are just fine. A girl learns about menstruation only when she gets it and thinks that she is suffering from a type of cancer and believes that her time on this planet is limited. Even when children want to open up to their parent about such a "filthy" topic, they are immediately shut down and are told not to open up about such immoral subjects ever again. However, when parents learn that their children are educating themselves from some porn site, then the question arises, "kya yahi hain humare sanskar?"
- The parents expect their children to be perfect. They do not sense the density of this pressure that they are putting on their product. They cannot tolerate the errors committed by their children. Thenceforth, the child is never to be trusted on his own. The parents are always paranoid that their child is committing some blunders now and then. They tend to punish the child severely as if they have never had committed any mistake. Parents do not share their embarrassing moments with their children.
We have seen our parents when they do not understand us or do not try to understand us. They also stop paying or pay less attention to what we have to say. That can indeed go the other way. For instance, they become over-possessive and strict, yet they do not tend to our problems.
Many will agree with the points made above. Yet, many will not. Not all parents follow the same principles. When they observe any problem arising between them and their child, they do not ignore it. They sit for a conversation to bridge the gap before it widens. To the parents who are reading this, please sit and talk with your children.
Keeping your generation-gap aside, love them for who they are and not for what you want them to be. Nurture them not just because you have to do it, do it because you love them. Love them to set them free, not to chain them. Love them without any conditions. Trust them as they are a part of you.
Remember that the keys to unlock understanding between you and your children are conversation and patience.
At the same time, children should acknowledge the generation-gap not forget that their parents have once been in their shoes. It is not only their responsibility to initiate the reconstruction of the under-constructed bridge - you have to toil too. Talk to them in a way that would convince them that it is not their decision that is flawed, but it is you who is wrong for their choice.
Love them for what they are. Respect them, their ideas and their decisions. They do not understand you because they have never been accustomed to many things. As children, you ought to understand that fact.
Understanding is a two-way street here. You cannot expect your parents to understand you if you do not do the same in return. If the parents had enough patience to nurture their children till they hit their maturity, then children should use that same maturity to be compatible with their parents.